‘I Have Seen How Not Being Affirmed Can Harm Trans Kids’

Ash Lau describes himself as a regular 14-year-old teenager growing up on an acreage with his parents in a small southeast Nebraska town. 

Every day, Ash goes to school, participates in clubs, hangs out with his friends and has developed a powerful passion for music over the last few years with aspirations of becoming a professional musician. His first instrument was the piano, but he has learned to carry a tune with the oboe, alto saxophone, cornet, clarinet, trumpet, and his mom’s old practice violin and guitar. He has even won awards for composing music and lends his instruments to his friends to share his love of music. 

Since he is an only child, Ash discovered when he was very young that the easiest way to occupy and free his mind of what he expresses as an “overreactive imagination,” was to immerse himself in creative writing. He dreams, writes and indulges in tragic fictitious fantasy worlds to blur his harsh reality of living in Nebraska. 

“It makes you feel better about the things you’re going through,” he said. 

Ash and his mother, Alice Lau, shared his journey while sitting in a coffee shop glowing with golden hour sun rays, casting long shadows against the walls that pop music quietly echoed off of. The smell of fresh espresso lingered in the air as they spoke about what he goes through as a young transperson in Nebraska and how the newly passed restrictions passed by the legislature on gender-affirming care would impact his life’s trajectory in the state.

identity

As a young child, Ash preferred to play with G.I. Joes and wood blocks rather than Barbies and Disney princesses. Toys, he acknowledges, do not necessarily “determine your gender,” but that society gears toward one gender or the other. 

“I don’t feel like a girl, Mom,” a preschooler Ash told his mom as she tucked him into bed one night. “I don’t think I’m a girl.” 

Lau acknowledged her son’s feelings, and they spoke out about it briefly. She told him his feelings were valid and had a few age-appropriate conversations with him but refrained from giving him too much language to avoid confusing things. After those basic conversations about his feelings, the topic didn’t emerge again for years.  

He dreams, writes and indulges in tragic fictitious fantasy worlds to blur his harsh reality of living in Nebraska

“It wasn’t all that important to me because I was a kid, and it didn’t feel incredibly relevant,” Ash said. “I knew that no matter what, I was supported as a human being, and I was in preschool.”

When Ash was around 10 years old, he realized he was queer and went through a period of questioning and discovery. While in fifth grade, he came out to a few of his friends at school one day. 

“Guys, I think I’m gay,” Ash told a few of his friends during recess on the playground. They met him with audible gasps as if in a movie scene. He couldn’t help but feel and wonder why they dramatized his confession. 

A couple of weeks later, one of those friends expressed concern about how society would perceive Ash. She was concerned that he would end up as a biker with many tattoos, placing him in a dangerous situation with the possibility of getting murdered. 

“In a weird wraparound way, she was trying to care about me,” Ash said. “It came from a place of concern, but it was just a really bizarre comment.” 

It wasn’t until he reached the age of puberty that Ash began to feel the emotions of gender dysphoria. He felt very uncomfortable in his skin with the repetitive thought of, “wow, this is not my body.” 

A journal in the National Library of Medicine reports that gender dysphoria in adolescent youth can abate during puberty. However, in some instances, the onset of pubertal changes can cause it to increase, possibly leading to a traumatic experience with additional adverse consequences to their mental health. 

A few years later, Ash found himself in the seventh grade, unable to suppress his emotions and feelings of gender dysphoria anymore. He decided to come out to a few friends, but it took the entire first semester before he felt comfortable coming out to only two of his teachers. 

The following summer after seventh grade, Ash attended talk therapy and built the comfort and confidence to begin socially transitioning. He returned the next school year fully out as transgender. Although he received support from classmates, several of his teachers felt they could not outwardly support him because of the polarization surrounding educators supporting LGBTQ+ students. 

Then, 2023 came with a new Nebraskan governor, state senators and Legislative Bill 574.

legislation

On Jan. 17, 2023, Sen. Kathleen Kauth of Omaha introduced Legislative Bill 574 (LB 574), dubbed the “Let Them Grow Act,” to restrict gender-affirming care for transgender minors in the state. Democratic legislators met it with a fierce filibuster ignited by Sen. Machaela Cavanaugh of Omaha, ultimately grinding the legislative session to a crawl and gaining national media attention. 

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” One of Lau’s friends texted her one afternoon. “They passed the bill. There’s not going to be gender-affirming care.”

In a frantic hourlong spiral of confusion, Lau began searching for any coverage on the Nebraska Legislature that would reveal if the news was true. She discovered the senators voted the bill through to the second round of debate, but it had yet to pass all three rounds successfully. 

“My job as a parent is to protect my child and make sure he’s safe and that he’s happy, and that he can function and exist and be himself,” Lau said. “I feel like there’s nothing I can do because I feel like we’re so siloed and these legislators— I don’t think all of them actually want this.”

Throughout the legislative session, Ash and Lau would debrief on the way home from school on the latest news about gender-affirming care or discuss debates on the legislature floor. They also participated in events at the Capitol, like the International Transgender Day of Visibility rally.

Photo Essays

Hundreds rally at Nebraska Capitol for Trans rights

LINCOLN — Hundreds rally at the Nebraska Capitol to celebrate International Transgender Day of Visibility…

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advocacy

One day, during lunch at school, Ash emailed every state senator, expressing concern about the legislation. He received responses from most of the Democratic senators, thanking him for reaching out and advocating for his community, and said Sen. Megan Hunt of Omaha, who has a transgender son, responded within minutes. Still, he received responses from only a few Republican senators acknowledging his email. 

Many Nebraskans flooded the Capitol to testify during committee hearings, lobby senators or protest in the rotunda in opposition to LB 574. OutNebraska was one of the organizations that helped guide civic engagement for those who wanted to participate in advocacy throughout this past legislative session. 

“We were just so honored that so many people wanted to engage in the process,” Abbi Swatsworth, Executive Director of OutNebraska, said in a phone interview. “Also disheartened that so few senators were willing to engage.”

Swatsworth said some senators who are proponents of the legislation came out and spoke to constituents in the rotunda but were either dismissive or disrespectful, making it difficult for constituents to advocate successfully. 

“I’ve seen how not being affirmed can harm trans kids,” Ash wrote in the email. “Many of my very good friends are trans, and they feel unsafe and uncared for because their families don’t support them.”

Ash wrote that some of his friends have even harmed themselves or attempted to take their own lives because they did not feel supported. 

In May, The Trevor Project, a suicide prevention organization for LGBTQ+ youth, released its annual national survey on mental health in the LGBTQ+ community. The survey revealed that among six gender identities, transgender men had the highest rate of suicide consideration at 56 percent and the highest suicide attempts at 23 percent. 

“Can you imagine how much worse that would be if they thought not only do their parents not support them, but the state government doesn’t either?” Ash added in the email. 

Although the Nebraska legislature is officially nonpartisan, it passed LB 574 on May 22, 2023, along a party-line vote with Sen. Mike McDonnell of Omaha breaking from the Democrats, but not before folding a 12-week abortion ban into it. 

During floor debates, legislators who voted for the bill said it was only to protect children.

Politics

Why They Voted the Way They Did

Nebraska freshman GOP Senators speak on supporting a 12-week abortion ban and gender-affirming care restriction for trans youth.

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The bill initially included banning puberty blockers, hormonal therapy and gender-altering surgeries. However, the bill’s final reading granted Nebraska’s new chief medical officer, an ear, nose and throat specialist, authority to implement gender-affirming care qualifications and completely outlawed surgical procedures. The bill also grandfathered the continuation of hormonal treatment for minors who began it before Oct. 1.

the future

The ACLU of Nebraska filed a lawsuit to challenge the newly passed legislation based on violating Nebraska’s “single-subject” rule. Opponents of the bill argued it was not germane and that transgender health has no ties to reproductive health. However, Lancaster County District Judge Lori A. Maret dismissed the lawsuit earlier this month and wrote in her decision that both subjects surround health, thus not violating the single-subject rule. 

Planned Parenthood and the ACLU of Nebraska have filed a joint appeal of the ruling.

For minors to receive Hormonal Replacement Therapy (HRT) in Nebraska, parental/guardian consent is required, along with a letter from the patient’s psychologist or psychiatrist with whom they have a long-standing relationship. Therapists may recommend social transitioning if they do not believe their patients are ready for HRT. 

Social transitioning, usually the first transition phase a transgender person experiences, is where Ash is currently. According to TransFamilies, this phase can include changing hair length or style, clothing, name and pronoun changes. Some, however, go on to receive HRT, but it is unknown what the new requirements will be after the Oct. 1 implementation date. If he cannot get HRT if and when he needs it, the closest places his therapist recommended were in Kansas City, Kan., or Minnesota. 

Throughout his journey, Ash and his family have connected with other gender-affirming parents and support groups nationwide to formulate a contingency plan. Lau has friends in California and Oregon who have opened their homes to them if they don’t feel safe living in Nebraska anymore. 

The Lau’s are considering relocation depending on how issues surrounding the LGBTQ+ community progress in Nebraska. Still, the advocacy legislators and other leaders in the state have shown has been inspirational to them. 

Ash looks forward to his first year in high school, performing in show choir, participating in school activities with his friends and volunteering at the local zoo. He said he has support from teachers and his classmates but feels as if those who are hateful toward people like him want every aspect of his life to surround being trans, although he is a regular teen with ordinary interests.

“I exist outside of being queer,” Ash said while sitting in a chair in the softly lit coffee shop. “Even if being queer is an important part of my identity.”